WHOSE GOD IS DEAD? Reza aslan's?

"Thoughtful! Careful! A gripping narrative! A literate accessible introduction to Islam! Complete with glossary and annotated bibliography! An impassioned plea for an Islamic form of democracy! A new chapter in the story of Islam!"

The book: No god But God-The Origins, Evolutions and Future of Islam" by Reza Aslan.

The reviewer: William Grimes for The New York Times.

But wait, Grimes isn't finished. A parting shot: "A work that could easily serve as a college textbook."

A college textbook! Oh, no! Not another exercise in religion as literature the professorial KKK (Kustodians of all Kultural Knowledge) can stuff down Joe College's throat! File this one with the works of Noam Chomsky, John Esposito, Robert Jensen, Ward Churchill and Kirkpatrick Sale and hope it never sees the light of day.

Okay, but just in case it does make the college must read scene, what is the book about?

It's about religion and it's a groundbreaker. The advance PR says it's gripping; impassioned. If that is so how come the author doesn't address the great ecumenical questions of the day: Whose God is dead and how many angels can dance on the head of a pin? Walt Kelly wrestled with those great ecumenical questions and was a better person for it and so did George Costanza when he tried to join the Latvian Orthodox Church, but nothing could make George a better person though the Lord knows he tried.

After years of study Kelly discovered the secret of religion deep in the Okefenokee. "First you builds a church and then you finds a God that fits it," he wrote. It's what Mohammed did. But what did Walt Kelly know? He wasn't a man of the cloth. He liked to draw funny animals that smoked cigars, loafed around all day, and spoke in italics. But Kelly was sneaky smart.

If Reza had read Walt Kelly, if he had spent a few minutes inside the head of Pogo Possum, he would have realized that he, Reza, was his own worst enemy-in a sense, his own altered-ego-and he wouldn't have written a lot of silly things like he did in his book. For instance: "What is taking place now in the Muslim world is an internal conflict between Muslims. The West is a bystander-an unwary yet complicit casualty of the rivalry raging in Islam over who will write the next chapter in its story."

If there is a conflict raging in Islam it's like the one that raged between Martin Bormann and Heinrich Himmler to see who would succeed Das Fuhrer; like the one that raged between Robespierre and those he sent to the guillotine. It's Gog versus Magog, Godzilla versus King Kong: the Frankenstein monster versus the Wolf Man. Maybe they will destroy each other.

But "The West is a bystander" is scary stuff. And Reza believes it. As far as Islam is concerned the West doesn't count for anything-it never has and it never will. There is no god, but Allah and Mohammed is His Prophet. Oh, sure, the West might be full of People of the Book-Christians and Jews-but in the general scheme of things they are no more important than the slaves who picked Jeff Davis' cotton or who mended Scarlet O'Hara's pantaloons. And unless the dhimmis come to their senses and convert to Islam they might well wish they were working for Old Jeff.

Qur'an: 5:51 "Believers, take neither Jews nor Christians to be your friends."

Qur'an: 5:74 "Whoever of you seeks their friendship shall become one of their number, and God does not guide wrongdoers."

Who will save the bystanders? Saladin? Ibrahim Hooper? John Esposito? Will it be Islam's silent majority-the thousands of Muslims that didn't celebrate in the streets after 9/11? That's right, says Reza. It will be Islam's silent majority!

Has Reza been reading the Nixon tapes? Did the ghost of John Erlichman whisper something in his ear? The silent majority-Islam's moderate silent majority!

Reza wrote, "The fact is that the vast majority of the more than one billion Muslims in the world readily accept the fundamental principles of democracy."

If David Duke had written the exact same line about the Klan and Louis Farrakhan had scribbled out the same nonsense about the Black Muslims, and Moe had set his signature to a treatise proclaiming The Three Stooges' dedication to the principles of non-violent democracy, no one would believe them-not for a second. Should anyone believe Reza? Would Harry Truman believe Reza? Had to show Harry. Unfortunately, people who don't know any better, and many who should know better, will, for a variety of reasons, believe Mr. Aslan: some because of cowardice, some because of hatred of the United States, will lap of everything he writes.

What are the fundamental principles of democracy and where does Islam's silent majority stand in relation to them? A short list: (A) Religion...There will be plenty of religion. .One can be a Suni, A Shia, a Sufi, or preferably, a Wahabb. There will be no force in religion. (B) Freedom (of Speech, Press and Assembly)...If Aisha or Britney don't want to wear a hijab, they can stay in the house. (C) Justice...There will be justice...above all there will be justice...with an unrestricted right of return and an end to Zionist exploitation. (D) Human Rights...There will be more Human Rights than Muhammed ever dreamed of! More than Allah ever foretold! Human Rights will drip from the trees! And every martyr will have 74 not 72 virgins waiting for him in Allah's Great Whorehouse in the Sky!

Has anybody heard this story before?

Once upon a time a smart fellow named Ralph Waldo Emerson said that if he wanted to be a good Christian he would have to leave the Church. If Reza wants to be a good Muslim he will have to leave Islam.